Monthly Archives: July 2014

He go for offshore agin

Just when the summer madness in dear Thanet was reaching its peak the good lord of sailors and warranty surveyors came and delivered a miracle of niceness. In thanks I shall deliver the sailor’s prayer.


Oh lord above

Send down a dove

with wings as sharp as razors

to the cut the throats

of them there blokes

that sell bad beer to sailors



The smaller, auxiliary block of the Thialf’s starboard crane. Photo taken in the summer of 2013.


Tomorrow allatsea goes to that tarn that we all lurve to hate, Aberdeen. Overnight there in that delightful hotel, the Britannia (he lies, it’s a puke stained shit heap staffed with obese phuckwits) and then the 0640 to Sumburgh the following day. There, all being well and the fog having stayed away, get met by some agent peeps and get whisked away to join the HGBCS (huhegreatbigcraneship) THIALF. Allatsea’s home from home for the next month or so…….probably.

Cousin Baz,

Today’s the weather’s a bit kakk. Hooray, no car parking madness on the Esplanade. Peace and quiet.

Bang bang bang on the front door, it seemed like a 20 stone rugby player was using a 14 pound hammer to knock the thing off its hinges. Nope, not that at all, just cousin Baz popping round for a ‘chat’, Tassimo and a rant. Bless. It’s good to see him but he does get a bit hot under the collar about the simplest of things ( good job allatsea isn’t like that) and when fully wound up God help any liberals or noncy poncy do-gooders  within gobbing range. It can be horrid to watch, albeit justified, most of the time.

His latest tirade was vented at the Commonwealth Games. Two things were VERY under his collar today.

One is the invention by the BBC and certain elements of the printed press that Glasgow is some kind of tolerant, chilled, multicultural, Shangri-La of goodness and all things nice.

It isn’t. It’s a violent pisshead’s utopia of pubs, bars, puke, attitude and secular hatred. Try being a non plippety-plop in town on old firm derby day. You’ll see what we mean. That said, I love the place.

Secondly, ‘Rythmic Gymnastics’! WTF is that all about and why did the BBC go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about it being wonderful??

It’s a sanitised form of POLE Dancing especially created to satisfy paedos, kiddy fiddlers and pervs!!! Young females made up to look like $5 crack whores and seemingly at a career cross roads (Prostitute? Escort? Lap dancer? Rythmic gymnast?), jerking about on a mat, ostensibly keeping time to some crap X-factor type music track and thrusting their jack&danny in the air. Jeeeeeeessuss H Christ, get a grip! It’s hideous!!

All that said, he did enjoy the English mastery of  the Double Trap events. Fine stuff. I always imagine that each puff of phosphorescent powder that bursts forth following a hit, is the sanctimonious tosh being slapped out of your average Guardian reader. A very therapeutic thought indeed. Sigh! If only there was more of it to see. A chap can live in hope.

Anyway, Baz and I are off darn the tarn. Lunch is on me this week and the bacon rolls in College Square are the best around. This would normally be followed  by a 6 hour session in Spoons and a stagger back to the Towers but sadly this won’t happen today. The jamjar is in for a service and there’s a sneaking suspicion that it’s going to be a jolly expensive one. A chap’s got to have a clear head when he argues the toss with the garage proprietor and of course……………drives home. Bugger.


Polar bears wandering about on an anchor handler.






A poem from the lovely Shawn L Bird

Too much to do

Too little time

Do you feel

like this, too?


The site owner has modified this slightly to…………..

Too much to do

Too little time

I’m going to the pub

How about you?

Grandad allatsea in 1920ish, went to Margate for a day out. Then went home again, eventually.

Grandad allatsea in 1920ish, went to Margate for a day out. Then went home again, eventually.

MARGATE (known locally as Marggitt)

Hot off the presses at the Thanet Gazette!!!

Prior to reading said article one point to make is that the main reason that Margate is just so ‘visitable’ is because allatsea (and of course, memsahib Sea) and their entourage of the great, good and lovely live there. Worth knowing, worth going.




MARGATE is fast becoming a mecca for foodies, vintage lovers and art aficionados as journalists clamber over themselves to wax lyrical about its beaches, art and shops.

The town is described by journalist Olive Porker in today’s Torygraph as “positively buzzing,” with Turner Contemporary’s “brilliant” Summer of Colour receiving a rave review for bringing “music and creativity to every corner of the town.” (She was obviously off her face on locally supplied skank: Ed)

A nod to nostalgia included tucking into jellied eels at Manning’s Seafood Stall (complete with the grumpiest sales staff in Britain) and the Dreamland Expo at the visitor and learning arcade was recommended it for its “fun, interactive displays for the under two’s.”

Hotels recommended in the piece include Sands on Marine Drive which also received glowing accolades from Fiz Hoggpies of the Standard. Its restaurant ‘The Boy’ also features in a Chimes top twenty seaside eaterie piece. New boutique hotel Crescent View  and The Buoy Guest House, both on Fort Mount also feature in the latest edition of the YHCA budget accommodation guide.

Foodies were alerted to GB Pizza, which Torygraph journalist Boe Milliams describes as “the best pizza I have tasted, I was however, very very drunk”. The Ambrette with its “sensationally small portions”, and KFC, noted for its “wonderful ambience”, also feature.

Vintage shops Madam Ripoff Vintage, Gilmic BJs of Westbrook (as recommended by Torygraph expert Judy Speakrapp) and Rough but GentleTrade are among some of the delights featured in Porker’s piece which is entitled ‘36 hours in Margate’ is enough for anyone.

Thanet’s coastline was included as a must do with walks to West Bay recycling point and a cycle around the deserted RoRo terminal at Port Ramsgate recommended. The Walpole Bay tidal pool was recently featured in a top ten beach destinations article in ‘Paedo News’. The popular pool is fast becoming a go-to place for locals, wild swimming enthusiasts, drunks, doggers and sex tourists.

Other places featured in the Torygraph feature are Shite Grotto (why?), Queer Barn (Why?) The Lifeboat Ale and Cider House (for pretentiousness and high prices) and BeBeached as the most noticeable misnomer in town.

It comes as the August edition of fashion magazine Vague recently showcased a Campaign/50thanniversary shoot featuring Merino Wool’s new collection of Merino stuff.