Monthly Archives: January 2016

Nigerian New President Of Prostitutes’ Association Vows To Sleep With Ronaldo, Wizkid Before She Retires


The president-elect of the National Association of Nigerian Prostitutes, NANP, Jessica Elvis, has vowed to sleep with Cristiano Ronaldo, Wizkid before she retires.

Elvis, whose real name is Oluchi made this disclosure known during an exclusive chat with Daily Post.

She was until her election as the new president of NANP, the longest serving secretary, between 2002 to 2015.

During the interview, she spoke on her victory at the Saturday’s poll, plans for the association and why she would like to make love to Real Madrid and Portuguese soccer star, C Ronaldo as well as Nigerian music sensation, Dayo Balogun, otherwise known as Wizkid before she retires.

Here is in part an excerpt of the chat below:

You have been the Secretary General of this association since 2002, what do you think the last leader failed to do?

See, I don’t want to rubbish anybody. My joy is that I have won and I am here to work for those who elected me.
Your predecessor, Madam Efoyo claimed you didn’t win the election, how would you react to that?

If she says I didn’t win, let her call the police to come and arrest me na. All I can say is that I won the election and there is no doubt about that.

Why the choice for prostitution while there are other jobs out there?

Point of correction, we are not prostitutes.

Who are you then?

We are friends of the society. Call us peacemakers. National Association of Nigerian Peacemakers.

Do you regret choosing this part of profession?

Why should I regret what puts food on my table; built me houses in Lagos and Abuja and even trained my daughter in school? I have no reason whatsoever to regret.

When do you plan to retire?

Maybe when I make love to C Ronaldo (laughter)

Do you mean the Portuguese footballer?
(Excitedly) Yes! He is my crush. I love him so much that his pictures even turn me on (laughter). I use to tease my colleagues that I must sleep with him and Wiz Kid before I retire.

Have you met Wiz Kid one on one?

We have met on several occasions but he doesn’t know me. I even have a picture I took with him during a show in Eko Hotel, but he doesn’t know what I do.

So, how do you intend to sleep with him?

God go do am when the time comes.

Talking about God, do you go to church?

Of course, I am a firm believer of Jesus Christ. I don’t miss church activities. Sometimes, I would declare fasting and prayer for business to come. Whenever I’m fasting, I don’t go out or ‘do’ that day.

Neart na Gaoithe

Mainstream to Build $2.8 Billion Scottish Offshore Wind Farm

Wind Turbines
Creative Commons

(Bloomberg) — Mainstream Renewable Power Ltd. said it’s in talks with a consortium led by power company InterGen NV to reach a financial close on its planned 2 billion-pound ($2.8 billion) Neart na Gaoithe wind farm off the coast of Scotland.

The 450-megawatt project will deliver the cheapest offshore wind power in the country, having secured a so-called contract- for-difference with the government guaranteeing 114.38 pounds per megawatt-hour, Dublin-based Mainstream said Tuesday in an e- mailed statement.

“All the building blocks are now in place to deliver this power plant into operation by 2020,” Chief Operating Officer Andy Kinsella said in the statement. “All consents have been received; the CfD was awarded; the technology and construction contractors are in place and, very significantly, the required debt funding for the project has been sourced from commercial banks.”

The InterGen consortium also includes Siemens AG’s project unit, the Marguerite Fund and Infrared Capital, Mainstream said. The project will create more than 500 jobs during construction and over 100 permanent jobs during its 25-year operational phase, the company said.

A quarter of the project costs will be met by equity, with 1.5 billion pounds of debt secured, according to Mainstream. It declined to say who is providing the debt.

©2016 Bloomberg News

Cheap car anyone?

1024px-Baltic_Ace_2007-09-09_2On December 5, 2012, the car carrier Baltic Ace sank in the North Sea with more than 1,400 cars on board after a collision with a container ship near the entrance of the main shipping channel leading to port of Rotterdam, claiming the lives of 11 crew members.

The ship came to rest at a depth of just 35 meters, posing a threat both to the environment and navigation in one of the world’s busiest shipping lanes.

For the salvage, the Dutch Government hired maritime services provider Royal Boskalis Westminster and its partner Mammoet Salvage, who were given the deadline of December 31, 2015 for the complete removal of the wreck and all cars.


The project began in 2014 with the original plan to cut the ship into six large sections and lift them individually to the surface, but inspections revealed that the structures were too weak, forcing salvors to come up with an alternative method. Below is a detailed look at how they ended up pulling it off from SMIT Salvage:

Bleaker than a bleak thing’s bleak bits

Rig Trends:

Jackup Market Still Looking For Recovery by Terry Childs|Rigzone Data Services|Wednesday, December 09, 2015 submit to reddit Rig Trends: Jackup Market Still Looking For Recovery Jackup utilization and day rates have not bottomed out yet, according to Rigzone Data Services.

Although competitive jackup utilization and day rates have fallen considerably since late 2014, further decline is expected, so any significant improvement is still a long way off. As a result, delivery dates for new construction continue to be pushed to the right and needed fleet attrition is not taking place in any meaningful way. As of early December, there are 433 existing competitive jackups. Fleet utilization is 58 percent with 250 units under contract. Of the 183 idle jackups, 128 are ready to go to work and 55 are cold stacked. The current utilization is 20 percent lower than a year ago when utilization was 78 percent. The two regions impacted the most in the past year happen to also be two of the more mature shallow water basins in the world. In the past year, the Gulf of Mexico has taken a 31 percent hit, while utilization in Southeast Asia has fallen by 38 percent.

The Middle East, where utilization currently stands at 75 percent, is the only region in the world not to see a double-digit drop in utilization since December 2014; utilization then stood at just over 81 percent. As for day rates over the past 12 months, the data tells a similar story. The 2014 average fixture rate for commodity jackups, units rated to drill in water depths up to 374 feet, was $124,625. As of this December, however, that number has fallen by 22 percent to just $96,671. For the premium and ultra-premium jackup fleets, rigs rated to drill in water depths of 375 feet or greater, the 2014 average fixture rate was $186,791 versus $122,706 so far this year, a 34 percent decline.

Looking at new construction, there are currently 97 competitive jackups being built. So far in 2015, 18 jackups have been delivered and according to RigLogix, there are still nine showing scheduled delivery dates in 2015.

However, given that 63 of the 97 rigs currently being built have had their delivery dates delayed at least one time, it is unlikely more than a few of the nine will actually end up being delivered this year. Instead, delivery dates will continue to be delayed and some construction contracts will likely be cancelled; in fact, the first such occurrence within the jackup fleet recently occurred. The even uglier part of the new construction equation is that only 11 of the 97 rigs currently being built have contracts in place. Fortunately, as referenced above, rig owners have been able to make arrangements with the various shipyards to delay the deliveries, thus avoiding final yard payments. In addition, no rig owner wants to have, much less have the market (and Wall Street), see a brand new rig sitting idle. Turning to rig attrition, so far in 2015, 14 jackups have been removed from service, four more than the 2014 total. The average age of the 24 units retired in the past two years was nearly identical, both just under 35 years of age. This is considerably older than the average retirement of 29.7 years for the 54 jackups retired between 2000 and 2013, thus illustrating how hesitant rig owners have been to retire older assets, particularly those that had existed in the high day rate market. Clearly, rig demand has been on the decline and further deterioration is expected. Since the current downturn began in late 2014, 26 jackup contracts were terminated early, most coming from national oil companies (NOC). Also, if we look at the 250 jackups currently under contract, there are still 17 of those scheduled to roll off contract by the end of 2015, with another 57 slated during the first-half of 2016. Of the 74-rig total, just 18 have known options that could extend them beyond the current terms – some of these options will be exercised and others currently unknown will be extended.

Additionally, some of these rigs as well as some currently idle units will pick up work here and there, but we believe many of these 74 rigs will be released and stacked. It was previously noted that there are currently 55 cold stacked rigs. In the future, it is doubtful most of those will ever return to work, making them prime retirement candidates. Within the 128 ready stacked units, 27 of those are 35 years old or more – many of these will likely get cold stacked and additional attrition can be expected from this fleet as well. We believe between 75 and 100 more jackups will be removed from service in the next few years. The only question is when will this get started, and we believe the answer is sooner rather than later assuming the current market conditions remain in place. For day rates, the most recent contract awards from Oil and Natural Gas Corp. (ONGC) for six jackups, all rated for water depths between 250 and 300-feet, were in the $47,000 to $55,000 range.

Meanwhile, rates for long-legged units have inked deals that ranged from $60,000 for a short one-well contract in the Gulf of Mexico to as high as $125,000 for an option exercise off Gabon. Day rates on both of those deals were between 20 and 40 percent below previous contract rates. In a few other instances, a couple of contracts for harsh environment units were signed at much higher rates (in the $175,000 to $180,000 range), but these too were significantly reduced from previous rates.

Looking a bit ahead, we believe that through the middle of 2016, day rates will, in many cases, begin to approach or even fall slightly below operating costs. However, if a rig owner puts a rig to work at below operating cost, that loss is less than hot stacking costs, which most will not hesitate to do so in this market. MUST READIOCs Cut Kurdistan CAPEX due to Payment Trouble-Andreas ExarheasFight Or Flight: Canadian Oil Companies Weigh Hostile Takeover Bid-

More at RigZone


POSH Terasea Wins Towing Contract For Prelude FLNG

Prelude FLNG under construction at the DSME shipyard in South Korea. Photo:
Prelude FLNG under construction at the Samsung Heavy Shipyard in South Korea. Photo: Shell

Offshore service contractor POSH Terasea has been selected to provide towage and positioning services for the Prelude FLNG, the world’s largest offshore facility ever constructed.

POSH Terasea will use five vessels, including four large anchor handling and towage vessels and one 16,000 BHP anchor handling tug supply vessel, to tow the world’s first floating liquefied natural gas facility over 3,000 nautical miles from Samsung Shipyard in Geoje, South Korea, to Australia, where it will be deployed.

POSH Terasea will be responsible for the overall towage project management. It will deploy Terasea Osprey, Terasea Falcon, Terasea Hawk, Terasea Eagle, and POSH Champion vessels for the towing project. The company, which was awarded the project after a competitive bidding process, will also position the Prelude FLNG before it begins production at the Prelude gas field in the Browse LNG Basin, 200 kilometer (km) off the northwest coast of Australia.

The Prelude FLNG is being built by the Technip / Samsung Consortium in South Korea for a joint venture between Royal Dutch Shell, KOGAS, and Inpex. The FLNG facility is 488 meters long and 74 meters wide and has a fully-loaded displacement capacity of about 600,000 tons.

The construction phase of the Prelude FLNG project is well under way. It has around 260,000 tonnes of steel in the facility alone, around five times the amount of steel used to build the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Once operational, the facility will produce at least 5.3 million tonnes (mtpa) per annum of liquids: 3.6 mtpa of LNG, 1.3 mtpa of condensate (equivalent to 35,000 bbl/d) and 0.4 mtpa of liquefied petroleum gas (LPG).

“Towing and positioning a Floating Facilities that is about four times the size of a football field from Korea to a gas field in Australia will be a massive and complex undertaking. We are excited to be entrusted to play such a critical role in this milestone development and look forward to successfully delivering on yet another project,” POSH Terasea President and Director Eric Ng said in a statement.

POSH Terasea is a joint venture between PACC Offshore Services Holdings and Terasea Pte. Ltd., which is in turn a joint venture between Seabridge Marine Services and Ezion Holdings.

Writing by Nadeem (c) gCaptain

Wind, no wind, ships

From the dizzying heights of Westbrook Towers four offshore windfarms are visible. Three of them are close and readily found with the naked eye the other, Gunfleet Sands off the Essex coast, requires cooperation from the weather and a keen eye or the help of some 8 x 40s.

The four comprise, Kentish Flats, Thanet Offshore Windfarm, London Array and the previously mentioned Gunfleet sands. Between them, at full capacity, they generate a hefty 1.242 GW. The last months have seen windy conditions on a near daily basis and the windframs have been producing regularly at or near maximum capacity.

Not so yesterday. The turbines in all four sites were observed to  be stationary. Where then, does the power shortfall get made up from? From imports (mainly from French Nuclear power stations) and our own fossil fuelled and nuclear power stations. The question is, when the wind is blowing and there is less of a need for non renewable power generation, what happens to the plant that we need when the wind isn’t blowing? Do we have to recompense the owners of the power stations to shut the plant down (very difficult to do at short notice with nuclear and steam driven plant) and therefore earn no revenue …. or what? How do we encourage folks to cough up the dosh to replace our ageing non-renewable plant if continuous operation isn’t an option? Do we inflate the wholesale cost of electrical energy in the market place in order to make our inefficient use of plant economically viable? I think we’re probably doing that already. Hmmm.


Pictured above, some of the 368 wind turbines in the Thames Estuary not producing any electricity yesterday. Also seen is the container ship ‘Tim S’ which has been at the Tongue Anchorage since the middle of November. No work, no happiness.


Also with no work, the BIG Lift operated ‘Happy Delta’, anchored in Margate Roads for the last week. Not a good sign for the industry.

Development Rounds

Unlike onshore wind, offshore wind is leased in “rounds” so we know where the projects over the next few years will be. The Rounds to date are shown in the tables below.

UK Offshore windfarms, the story so far (courtesy of Renewables UK)

Site Developer MW Capacity Status
Round 1 – 2001
Barrow DONG Energy 90 Operational
Beatrice Demo SSE Renewables 10 Operational
Blyth E.ON UK Renewables 4 Operational
Burbo Bank DONG Energy 90 Operational
Gunfleet Sands I DONG Energy & Marubeni 108 Operational
Lynn & Inner Dowsing Centrica Renewable Energy Ltd 194 Operational
Kentish Flats Vattenfall 90 Operational
North Hoyle RWE Npower Renewables 60 Operational
Ormonde Vattenfall 150 Operational
Rhyl Flats RWE Npower Renewables 90 Operational
Robin Rigg E.ON UK Renewables 174 Operational
Scroby Sands E.ON UK Renewables 60 Operational
Teesside EdF 62 Operational
Cirrus Array (Shell Flats) N/A 270 Withdrawn
Cromer N/A 108 Withdrawn
Scarweather Sands N/A 108 Withdrawn
Site Developer MW Capacity Status
Round 2 – 2002
Thanet Vattenfall 300 Operational
Walney I DONG Energy / SSE Renewables/ Ampere Equity / PGGM 183.6 Operational
Walney 2 DONG Energy / SSE Renewables/ Ampere Equity / PGGM 183.6 Operational
Greater Gabbard SSE Renewables, RWE Npower Renewables 504 Operational
Gunfleet Sands II DONG Energy & Marubeni 64.8 Operational
Sheringham Shoal Scira Offshore Energy Ltd 317 Operational
Gwynt Y Mor RWE Innogy / SWM / Siemens 576 Operational
Lincs Centrica 270 Operational
London Array I DONG Energy / E.On Renewables / Masdar 630 Operational
Humber Gateway E.ON UK Renewables 219 Operational
West of Duddon Sands Scottish Power/DONG Energy 389 Operational
Westermost Rough DONG Energy 210 Operational
Dudgeon Statoil & Statkraft 402 Approved
Race Bank DONG Energy 580 Approved
London Array II DONG Energy / E.On Renewables / Masdar 240 Withdrawn
Triton Knoll RWE Npower / Statkraft 900 Approved
Docking Shoal Centrica 540 Refused
Site Developer MW Capacity Status
Scottish Territorial Waters – 2009
Beatrice SSE Renewables / SeaEnergy 588 Approved
Neart na Gaoithe Mainstream 450 Approved
Inch Cape Repsol / EDP Renováveis 784 Approved
Islay SSE Renewables 690 Exclusivity Agreement Awarded
Argyll Array Scottish Power Renewables 1800 Exclusivity Agreement Awarded
Hywind Scotland Pilot Park Statoil 30 Approved
Site Developer MW Capacity Status
Round 3 – 2010
Moray Firth Repsol / EDP Renováveis 1000 Approved
Firth of Forth SeaGreen Wind energy Ltd (SSE Renewables, Fluor) 3465 First Project Approved
Dogger Bank Forewind Consortia (SSE Renewables, RWE Npower Renewables, Statoil and Statkraft) 4800 Approved
Hornsea 1 (Heron & Njord) DONG Energy 1200 Approved
Hornsea 2 (Optimus Wind & Breesea) Smart Wind Consortia (Mainstream Renewable Power, Siemens Project Ventures) 1800 Submitted PINS
East Anglia East Anglia Offshore Wind Ltd (Scottish Power Renewables) 7200 First Project Approved

Second Project Submitted

Rampion E.On Climate and Renewables 400 Approved
Navitus Bay Eneco New Energy and EDF 970 Refused
Celtic Array Centrica & DONG Energy 4200 Withdrawn
Atlantic Array RWE Npower Renewables 1200 Withdrawn
Site Developer MW Capacity Status
Round 1 and 2 Extension Sites – 2010
Galloper RWE Npower Renewables 336 Approved
Kentish Flats 2 Extension Vattenfall 50 Operational
Burbo Bank Extension DONG Energy 258 Approved
Walney III DONG Energy 660 Approved
Site Developer MW Capacity Status
Demo sites – 2010
Gunfleet Sands 3 – Demonstration Project DONG Energy 12 Operational
Methil Offshore Wind Farm Demo site Samsung 7 Operational
European Offshore Wind Deployment Centre Scotland Vattenfall, Technip and AREG <100 Approved
Blyth Offshore EDF 40 Approved
Site Developer MW Capacity Status
Northern Ireland – 2012
First Flight Wind DONG Energy, RES, B9 400 Withdrawn

– See more at:

Ring ring

Monday, Sainsbury’s, phone rings, tis Lundunn HQ, am I available for the 2016 North Sea/Atlantic installation programme? Well yes sir I am that, just got to make sure recent events don’t contravene the UKOOA medical guidelines for fitness to work. Fingers crossed on that one.

Fannit is grey and dark and wet and blustery today, the kids are still off school for the winter holidays and the shops are full of the little perishers, roll on mid-week when, all being well, they’ll all get back into the classrooms and leave the streets quiet for us grumpy old men. Spare a thought for the poor sods known as ‘teachers’ though, bless ‘em.

Now for a re-visit to the allatsea school of thoughts on that curious phenomena known as religion.

Religion is like a penis

It’s OK to have one

It’s OK to be proud of it


Do not pull it out in public

Do not push it on children

Do not write laws with it

Do not think with it.

And for all those out there in peril on the sea, here’s a handy guide from Viz to help you know which way to turn ………………………. and why.

“Starboard’s left? No, that’s not right.

Right can’t be port but left just might.

Port, said right, is left you see,

And starboard-port-is wrong to me.”

Our New Year

How did yoooo spend the New Year? Here at the Towers  the occasion  involved consuming inordinate quantities of gin, being nice to mummy allatsea, even inviting her round for a yumyum high tea and ………. listening to the 65th anniversary edition of The Archers. Wonderful stuff, I really thought Roooof was going the give hubby David the old heave ho and bugger off to spend her legacy (from mummy Roooof) on a shagaholic sheep shearer from Wellington. Fortunately she saw sense and as the Grauniad so eloquently describes it  below, took us and Brookfield in a completely new dairy herd direction.

Glory be.

“A soap opera that seems set to continue until the cows come home, BBC Radio 4’s The Archers celebrated its 65th birthday with a storyline about the cows leaving home.

A crisis in British dairy farming – a narrative that sees the series remaining true to its original roots in promoting countryside issues for the Ministry of Agriculture – has threatened David – the grandson of Dan and Doris Archer, the Adam and Eve of Ambridge – with having to sell off his herd and cease milk production at Brookfield farm.

However, with the show simultaneously milking a crisis in David’s marriage, as his Geordie wife, Ruth (catchphrase, in extremis, “Aw, naw!”), brooded on her problems during an extended visit to New Zealand, David risked ending up jobless and Ruthless.

For the lead female characters in The Archers, this has been a period of keeping things close to their chests. Lynda Snell, bicycling busybody and amateur-dramatic impresario, chose for her seasonal production Calendar Girls, a drama about middle class women taking off their clothes, although in this case with the metaphysical twist of nudity that the audience can’t see.

For the past few days, though, the show’s 5 million listeners (and the downloaders who have put the show at the top of the BBC’s podcast charts) have also been offered a more traditional form of Archers striptease, in which the scriptwriters tantalised the audience with which of several current storylines might be the firework that ignited to mark Friday night’s 65th anniversary edition.

The show’s landmark birthdays, traditionally containing a shock plot twist, have become a nervous time for actors, who can find themselves beginning the year with an ending. Five years ago, Graham Seed was written out after 28 years in the cast when his character, Nigel Pargetter, slipped from the roof of his house while trying to fix a flapping Happy New Year banner.

Apart from the crisis with the cows and the vows of David and Ruth, another narrative strand with the potential to cause an anniversary flap involved Rob Titchener – the series’ newest baddie, a marital rapist and nasty control freak.


As the 65th anniversary approached, surviving cast members could take some reassurance from interviews in which Sean O’Connor, the editor of The Archers since 2013, seemed to express regrets about his predecessor having put the skids under Nigel. However, O’Connor also told the Radio Times that this birthday payoff would be a “defining moment” for the show and would mark the anniversary in a way that no other broadcasting franchise had done.

On Friday night, between 7.02 and 7.14pm, O’Connor proved true to his word. It is certain that no previous long-running drama – from Guiding Light in the US to Coronation Street in the UK – has ever passed a broadcasting landmark with a lengthy discussion of the effect on milk yield and profit levels of different methods of dairy farming in New Zealand, Ireland and a made-up place in Middle England.

During her antipodean trip, Ruth had concluded that David should sell his herd, cuing poignant use of the show’s extensive repertoire of moo sound-effects. But just as listeners thought “Aw, naw!”, Ruth revealed plan B: the purchase of a new, smaller herd, presumably cheaper on the soundtrack budget. Actors Timothy Bentinck and Felicity Finch gamely played probably the only scene in the history of drama in which the punchline was “low-cost pasture-based farming”.

Compared with the impact five years ago of Nigel’s departure, some listeners may have felt that, in common with Mrs Snell’s Calendar Girls, this was all tease and no reveal. However, the underlying desire of listeners for there always to be Archers at Brookfield farm has been satisfied for the foreseeable future, and, with several loose ends still to be tied, probably around Titchener’s neck, the show sets out confidently towards its 70th birthday celebrations.”

A thousand years ago

A thousand years ago